Death, Rituals, and Technology

Bethany Smith - photo credit Facebook page

3-16-17

Yesterday tragedy struck the cruising community here in the Caribbean as we woke to learn of the death of Bethany Smith.  She died when she fell to her death from the mast of the mega yacht she was working on in Jamaica.   She was just three days shy of her 19^th birthday. 

We met Bethany and her family our first season in Trinidad.  SV Cape – David, Sarah and kids Bethany and Bryn are seasoned cruisers having set off many years ago from the UK.  Bethany and Bryn did most of their growing up on sv Cape.  I believe they moved aboard when Bethany was 9.  They are a musical family and that is how we got to know them at the weekly jams in Trinidad.  David plays bass, Bryn guitar, Sarah sings and Bethany plays/played flute.  *It is so hard to change tense now when referring to Bethany.  David, Bethany and Bryn are from Wales.  I remember Sarah and Bethany would sometimes sing an ancient Welsh song as a duet at the jams.  I don’t know what it was about but it was sad and beautiful.

Cruising kids are unlike land kids.  They are mature, smart and worldly while possessing an extraordinary openness for adventure, exploration and fun.  Bethany was no exception to that.  We were not around her a tremendous amount because she was doing teenage things – studying for exams, hanging with friends, texting with friends, reading, listening to music, sailboat racing at TTSA, etc…. Soon enough Bethany was off to make a life for herself.  She traveled to Dominica to help with hurricane relief, hitching a ride here and there on various boats headed to Grenada, Bonaire, and such.  Then she was off to test the waters of the crewing life in the French Med.  I think she was 17 at the time.  What were you doing at 17?  I was an idiot teenager in high school doing nothing important.  Eventually, Bethany landed a paying position on a beautiful mega sailing yacht.  She was 3 months shy of her 18^th birthday, quite an accomplishment as most mega yachts will not take crew unless they are 18.  But Bethany proved to be an able bodied crew.   We all followed along on her adventures through Facebook and via her proud family.  She was living life!  She was young, working hard on a glamorous mega yacht, posting pics with other young fellow crew members in exotic ports around the world!  It was terrific to watch her coming into her own, living life to the fullest.  We saw her last year when she came home for a quick 10 day visit.

The cruising community is small, very small.  We meet fellow cruisers in a particular anchorage or harbor.  We become hard and fast friends.  Really fast.  Much faster than on land – cruisers somehow cut out all the extra bullshit when becoming friends.  We have to, ours is not a normal life.  We are oddballs living an abnormal life.  No one else understands this life but other oddballs.  And then BOOM - just like that, we sail over the horizon in different directions.  Sometimes we see each other again, and sometimes we do not. 

Technology has really helped cruisers stay in touch not only with those back on land but with each other.  Each morning I/we check into the SSB Coconut Net.  I hear our fellow cruising friends checking in from various locations all up and down the island chain.  I know where they are because of this.  However, I have also been online already that morning via smartphone, checking in with several others prior to that morning net.  Bethany’s mom Sarah and I often chatted via FB Messenger or Whatsapp in the mornings.  Just a quick message to say “Hello.  How are you?  How are the kids?  What country is David working in these days?  How is the boat coming?” 

As much as I complain to all of you (dear readers) about Internet connectivity issues, and as much as I DO NOT like Facebook – finally joining when we moved aboard - technology has allowed us to stay much more connected than in previous years.  I now know this connection also includes grieving together.  As the sun came up and the sad news spread about Bethany via technology, we all sat stunned in our individual little boats as quiet tears flowed in nearly every anchorage over her death.  She touched SO many lives.  Everyone handles the shocking news of death and the subsequent grieving in different ways.  For many/most, the need to be with family/community is an important part of that.  Technology allowed the cruising family/community to grieve together yesterday.  By late morning the pictures and stories of fun memories with Bethany started appearing and we could all add a faint smile along with our tears.  The cruising community is nomadic; we are spread out around the world.  However, in less than a day, cruisers whose lives were touched by beautiful Bethany were able to give their condolences and grieve together.  It quickly became apparent that she was liked and loved by all those that she came in contact with.

We will continue to mourn together through technology until we can hug in person.

One final note, in my grieving yesterday, technology allowed me to get to know Bethany even better.  I looked back through her Facebook page and read her blog postings.  The first thing that jumped out at me from her blog was the motto if you will.   Right there on the homepage it said “Live life for today, you never know what tomorrow will bring.”  As I read through the various blog postings, it became apparent that Bethany did live her life.  It is unfair that she died….NO, IT SUCKS that she died.  However, it seems even in the short 18+ years she lived, she lived more than many people do in a long lifetime.  And that makes me smile a little as well. 

RIP Bethany Smith      

Bethany Smith - photo credit Facebook

Bethany's blog

http://www.flutingtootingbethany.com/fluting-tooting-bethanys-blogs/

There is a GoFundMe started by our good friend and fellow cruiser Willie Haskins to help the family pay for the extrodinary expenses so they can be together during this difficult time as well as ehlp with the final arrangements for Bethany.

https://www.gofundme.com/the-bethany-smith-memorial-fund

3-6-17 Random Thoughts - From a French Island

Sunrise in Marin

While I have done pretty good at trimming Tom's hair, I haven't yet learned to do it without saying the occasional "oops" and "oh well, it will grow back." I must work on that.

You would think after all this time and all these meals cooked aboard, I would have learned not to sauté or cook liquid things in my swimsuit.  Ouch.  Actually, cooking overall probably should not be carried out in one's swim costume (as the Brits say).

No mater the size of dinghy or horsepower, some (most) dinghy rides are wet rides.  

It is shocking and freaking annoying how few cruisers still don't use DSC on the VHF!  Come on people!  It is 2017!

European cruisers dress different from North American cruisers.  

Meet Toto.  Yep!  Note also I am wearing my Kansas City Sailing hat

People (Americans) bag on the French that they are stuck up and don't want to talk English.  Not true. They are scared / intimidated to do so.  Guess what.....they think the same of Americans... that we don't WANT to try vs being scared.

If you ask a French person if they speak English, they usually say "a liettle" and make an inch sign with their thumb and forefinger.  However, if you sit and visit with them, generally they speak way better English than you speak French.  If during the visiting time there is beer, wine or rum involved, their attempts at English get more frequent, more confident and good.  And of course everyone is better looking at closing time.  HA!

See above about French speaking English.  Our Swedish cruising friend does not try to speak French at all.  When they speak French to her, she immediately speaks Swedish to them.  They are usually startled and then say to her "Ummmm, no Swedish.  You speak Engalish?"  She nods and the the French person says "Then we wills speak the Engalish - ok whiff you?"   Moral?  If you are traveling to French speaking land and are worried about speaking French, simply learn some Swedish.  

French do like to have the pronunciation correct to converse.  Example - Me = "Je voudrais orange consommation, s'il vous plait."  French person ="???"  Me= "Orange drink" with drink motion.  French person = "??"  ME = simply now pointing to an orange drink in the cooler behind the bar.  French person = "Oh!  Ohr-rah-zh drink."   Me = "Yeah, orange drink."   Ugh, my French stinks. 

Pocket cruiser?  Whose pocket?

We have observed that for typical American cruisers bigger is better.  More waterline, bigger dinghy, more gadgets, more horsepower, more, bigger,....  We have also observed that the French seem to have their own competition going, only slightly different.  Their contest seems to be who can have the smallest dinghy.  Bonus for putting the most people in it and extra bonus points for the smallest dinghy motor.  No lie.  We have watched a French cruising boat cram 6 or 7 people in a tiny dinghy.  TINY!  We have seen a couple of French dinghies that have to be display only dinghies.  Think of the tiny display tents in the Walmart sporting goods section - 1/4 mock up of the actual tents they sell.  Seems these French cruisers have decided to make use of the tiny 1/4 size display only dinghy.  Seriously.....I am not joking, these are itty, bitty dinghies.  Usually the motor is 2 to 3 horsepower and occasionally 5 but never over that.  

The British are a traveling people.  I mean they get off their island and see the world. 

We seem to be surrounded by Canadian boats.  It must still be cold up there.  The immediate group all seem to be French Canadian.

The cruiser next to us 1). Loves his dinghy or 2). Has a new dinghy that he likes to keep neat and clean and spends time on it as such or 3). Is in trouble with his partner on the boat and thus voluntarily / by force is spending an inordinate amount of time in his smallish dinghy.  The last two days he has been in the dinghy more than on the boat.  What do you think?  Yeah, we think the same.....he has been banished to the dinghy. 

The term partner is used quite a bit in the international cruising community.  Sometimes it means partner in life - sometimes married, sometimes not.  Other times it means boat partner.  We have noticed this in international travel as well.  

New to us method for chaining oil on charter cat saildrives - cheaper than hauling to change the oil

Sunday I tried to turn on my laptop but it wouldn't turn on.  That made me sad.  

Monday I took my laptop into Info Geek.  We were second in line.  Three more people came in.  Bad weekend for laptops.  

I had to leave my laptop behind.  That made me sad.  The tech said 'I needz to opens it up.  You leaves it?  Maybez Toosday or Wesnessday?"  Okay.

The Canadian cruiser next to us is definitely in trouble with his partner as his dinghy time has far exceeded his boat time.  

Seriously people.....DSC when using VHF!!!  Argh!

Why do some cruisers sound like they are always trapped in their cockpit locker when they talk on the VHF radio?  

Tom on the bow in St Anne - pre-hair cut

Did you know that France is electing a new President in less than 70 days?  No?  Understandable because of the rules, restrictions, limitations on campaign money and advertising!  So jealous.  Wish we had the same in USA!  

Turns out one probably shouldn't use toxic chemicals for cleaning while wearing your swim costume, either - see #2 above.  FYI - Easyoff burns.  What are the chances I will remember and NOT rub my eyes?  Yeah....I know....slim.

I got my laptop back today (3-9-17).  That makes me happy.  It also means more blogs to come.  That may or may not make you happy.  FYI - it was a battery issue.  YES, I did check the battery but not in a "doing weird glitch" sort of way.  $30E fee.

The chosen VHF hailing channel is 68.  We hail each other on this channel and the move to another channel to talk in order to keep 68 open.  If course NONE of that is necessary if you use DSC!  Channel 68 is simply the chosen channel and not a rule.  Others like locals and officials can use it as they see fit.  Anyway, tonight some "official" from Fort du France port control was requesting assistance on channel 68 from a cruise ship in locating a possible sailboat adrift.  They had two discussions.  Serious stuff.  Obvious stuff.  During the second conversation a cruiser chick (sounded American) comes on trying to play radio Nazi and tells them "move your conversation to another channel."  OMG!  They ignored her.  When they finished not one but two cruisers came on and set her straight / scolded her.  BTW - There is a HUGE difference between wanting cruisers to use DSC and being a radio Nazi.  HUGE!

Did you know that in general Americans and Europeans (and probably the rest of the world as well) count very differently when using their hands?  If I ask an American to count to five (to me) on their hands, they usually start with the forefinger, then middle, then ring finger, pinky and finally thumb and usually they have their palm facing me.  Try it Americans, I will wait......See.  If I ask a European to do the same, they usually start with the thumb, followed by forefinger, middle, ring and finally pinky, and the back of the hand is facing me.  Am I right my non-American friends?  So.....if you want two beers in Martinique, you don't hold up a peace sign, instead you hold up your thumb and forefinger with your palm facing you.  In fun discussions about this with our non-American cruising friends, I did ask them how they signal #1 at sporting events and they showed me the universal forefinger sign for "We're #1"  to which I suggested that this meant the American way of counting on your fingers was correct vs their method.  Besides, big foam fingers of thumbs waving at college football games would just be weird.  However I think "We're #1" and foam fingers are somehow lost in translation.  But it was fun to discuss and much laughter and joking ensued.

No, we don't have our new dinghy yet.  Yes, it has been several weeks.  More to come on this.

Calabash Carving

Painted calabash bowl Laura bought in Grenada and one of our calabash - ideas are brewing

So now we had two calabash, what to do with them?  Cut them in half and carve them of course.  Just like the locals do.  Ah-ha but how specifically?  Hum?

Inside the calabash - texture is porious like a sponge

Tom had to go ashore but before he left he got out his backsaw and a few other tools for Laura and I to use for cutting the calabash.  Jason stayed on their boat to do boat chores simply stating to Laura before she left for our boat something to the affect of "Don't cut yourselves!"   D-uh!

Okay.... "How should we do this?"  "I don't have a clue."  "Hum?"  Some calabash seem to have a natural line around the center.  "Let's try to follow that."  "Okay."  I held the calabash between my hand using my legs/knees as backup.  Laura sawed.  What could go wrong with that!  ha!  Don't tell OHSA.

The purple turns black and stains BADLY under your fingernails

Luckily nothing.  She took it slow, first scoring the calabash and then sawing a little bit at a time as I rotated the calabash.  The stem was tough but we got through it.  Actually, it was all tough.  These suckers are thick - I would say almost 1/8" thick.  Of course that is what makes them such great bowls and cups.  However, we perservered and broke through with the saw and I twisted it apart.  Voila!  Weird stuff inside.  It was white and spongy with seeds.  

After the inside as dried

We scooped out the inside stuff with spoons.  While the calabash is edible, no one eats it.  I read online that there are medicinal uses but we never heard of any, which is odd because bush medicine is still alive and well in the Caribbean.   Purple spots started showing up along the inside of the "skin".  We discovered later that this turns black and stains.  We got it under our fingernails as we scooped and NOTHING would get it off - no soap, not scrubbing with a nail brush, even daily swims/snorkels/dives...nope.  We had to wait for it to fade naturally over a week's time.  In the mean time, Laura and I had fingernails that made it appear as though we had been messing in the engine rooms on our boats.  Yuck!

My design

With the inside cleaned out, we could begin carving.  Laura brought over some dentals tools (they have teak decks) and I got out the other items Tom left - an awl, ice pick, various screw drivers and a box cutter.  Laura started on a starfish design.  I started on a Honey Ryder / James Bond theme.  Carving in our laps of course so we could hang on to them firmly.  What could go wrong?  Don't tell OHSA.  

007 James Bond

Did I mention the "skin" is thick and HARD?  Very hard!  It was not easy going.  We soon gained a big appreciation for the local craftsmen that carve these on a daily basis to sell to tourist.  I am sure they have tools and techniques but still.......it is tough.  Wow!  And one little slip up still gouges the skin and makes a mark.  We decided our little mistakes were proof ours were handmade by us......at least that what we told ourselves!  You will be happy to know we did NOT cut ourselves.    

We saved two halves for Tom and Jason to carve.  Jason did a bold Blue Blaze design.  Tom did his own Honey Ryder theme with a nice border.  Then we left them to dry/cure.  They slowly turned a light brown color over the weeks.  I sanded the inside vigirously to make it smooth.  Laura painted the inside of hers.  Don and Heather on sv Asseance suggested I not paint the inside.  "If you don't paint it, you can use it for food."  Like the Rastas do.  They went to a beach picnic once.  A friend had severval calabash bowls and they ate out of them.  When the meal was over, Don said they simply went down to the water and washed out the bowls using sand and sea water.  How kewl is that!  Of course the woman took them home and washed them with soap and water as well, but still kewl!

Update - Further Calabash Scrumping
So now we are on a calabash kick.  While in on a walk with Laura in Carriacou, we spotted a calabash tree.  It was on a fence line, the other side.  However, there were two calabash that were hanging on our side.....nearly.  Okay....true scrumping went on.  But it wasn't in someone yard.  It was in the field with their cows and everyone knows cows prefer plastic pails to carved calabash bowls!

Don't tell OHSA

Tom expertly got them down.  It may or may not have involved climbing on the fence and tree.  They were both small but that is ok.

See the natural dividing line

We got busy with boat and cruiser stuff and didn't get them cut open right away.  Sv Blue Blaze sailed over the horizon for Union Island.  When Tom and I finally did cut them open, the stuff inside had turned black and stinky.  Yuck!  However, this time we were smart enough to wear gloves so our hands would not get stained.  Some black juice did drop on the fiberglass in the cockpit and stained it.  However, rubbing compound wax should get it out but the magical boat cleaning fairies have not yet arrived this year so that stain is still there.  Lazy magical boat fairies!

eew....

Tom used the Garmin logo (triangle) as inspiration to carve a pattern around the top of his.  I copied Laura's idea and did my own starfish.

Cute right?  OMG - did I just say cute?  Ugh!

Tom's Garmin inspired pattern

Carving the small ones wasn't any easier.  It has really given us an appreciate for the locals that carve these.  Tom purchased the below carved calabash from a local guy on Martinique when we were visiting Riviere Alma.

Professionally done

Professionally sanded inside

Only $5 Euro - just $5.

Local artist

Below is Tom's first calabash after 6 weeks or so.

Can you hear the James Bond theme in your head?

Pattern around the side of Tom's

Update - Did I mentioned that we me have become obsessed with calabash.  I look for the tree everywhere now.  They are not easy to spot.  I think often times, they are away from the coastline, tucked up in the hills.  While we were in Carriacou I asked local Richard (of Lumbadive) if he knew of a tree.  "Go ask Diane (his partner).  She has tons of calabash."  Diane got a bunch of already dried ones from another local.  She save me two whole ones.  "Be careful how you cut them since they are dried.  They can crack while cutting."   Tom carefully scored the one and gradually cut it with a handheld hacksaw....holding it on his leg.  Don't tell OSHA!  The inside was completely dried up and black.  Most of it flaked out.  The rest came out with sanding.  I have sanded the outside and plan to paint these once I find some acrylic paints.  Tom drilled a hole in the top of the other one and used a chopstick to break up the black stuff and shake it out.  He plans to put seeds or dried beans inside and seal it back up as with a wine cork to make a musical shaker.  Pretty kewl huh?

Dried, whole calabash from Diane

Update Feb 14th -  While driving around Martinique last week with sv Inishnee, I spotted one calabash tree perfect for scrumping in St Pierre.  As that anchorage is on the NW of the island and we are currently anchored on the SE, it will have to wait.  However, I have high hopes for finding a tree or two here in le Marin or out in St Anne.  I will keep you posted.